I wish that I could sleep, I feel like some kind of shadow, another slave to the week. Imagine if we lived under the weather we would never be found.

Listening to: The Noose- A Perfect Circle

"And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug to the ground
But I'm more then just a little curious
How your planning to go about making your ammends
to the dead.
Your halo slipping down to choke you now."

I'm think I'm stressed, Normally I can never really tell if I am until I suffer physical sympyoms from it like neck or back pain, even then I feel numb to it. But this time everything is clouding my thoughts and im having troubles focusing. Its not a big deal its a small problem compared to the others... I leave for home in 6 days and I wont be back for a very long time. I have so much to do, Shop for mandatory xmas gifts, send them off in time, make it to an appointment, clean, see some freinds here and worry about taking the ferry to see some freinds on the island(its nice tho), hopefully do shit loads for work, pack, and then worry about catching a plane with a fiancee, expensive laptop and a cat. Actually I dont have to worry much about that. The cat is also better at flying planes then me even. He sleeps during the turbulence, I'm so glad we have a portable, easy travel cat. Though I guess he doesnt have to stress over terrorists or plane crashes. I know its stupid to think about it but I cant help it. (its exactly what they want me to think!) I dont even know where the cat is going. He will surely become part of the food chain with all the fauna at my house. I'm sorry I have to complain and bitch about pathetic little things like this, but I sorta think thats what these blog things are for..... makes you feel more important then you are. A good thing though is tomorrow I'm going to get my hair dyed at a salon as an early xmas present. I've never had it professionally done. before always got it done by me or friends (which i so miss) so I hope it turns out *crosses fingers* so Im really nervous. I feel like an adult, it's quite violating.

Listening to: Ohio is for lovers-Hawthorne heights

So I'm having some finacial problems at the moment, basically the company I work for is american and they pay in yankie funds, so it takes 5 buisness days to go into my account and since december started with a weekend... well I'm still waiting, normally they pay like on the 25th. And I dont have my share of the rent so the land lady threatened an eviction notice in my face! That and my food intake yesterday consisted of 4 old halloween candies and some steamed veggies. Good times. Anyways I'll get through it.

Now I know some people have done this before but I got it in an email this morning so nya:

100 things you probably dont(or probably do) know about me:

- I have a weird fascination with roller coasters.
- I think I am a cynic.
- I'm a health geek, but I wont refuse junk food ;)(yes I eat tofu often)
- After owning a cat, I am definetly a dog person.
- I care too much what other people think.
- I have a soft spot for shitty dance music, and hip hop. Also Tom petty and the Tragically hip lol
- I like to bake but cant cook worth shit.
-This past year is the first time I have been able to travel outside of Canada
- I have been to Los angelas, Las vegas, San jose, Boston and got stranded in San fransico.
- I went to Disney land for the first time in my life and loved it like I was 5 years old haha.
- My favorite alchoholic drinks are a whiskey sour, tequila sunrise, pomtini's, brown cows (thanks becky!) but I usually get vodka and cranberry cocktails.
- I once ate a tequilla worm (but I shared it with someone)
- My current favorite Starbucks drinks are: fat free pumpkin spice latte's, green tea lemonade, and at Blenz I love the Matchachillos!! mmmm
- When I was little I was a "ginger" lol (redish hair, with pale skin and freckles)
- Even after living here for 2 years it still doesnt feel like "home"...
- I would love to Travel to exotic countries
- If I could only go to one place I would love to go to Japan (even though its not that exotic)
- I have never grown out of the child hood "love for dinosaurs" stage. Even now I still obsess over them lol.
- I also love dragons and unicorns :)
- I played with more boyish toys like ninja turtles action figures instead of barbies when I was little.
- I have actually been kicked out of a Las vegas casino, not because I was underage and gambling but because I was underage and grabbed a cup of water.
- I am extremley shy around new people/experiences.
- I also care too much of how I look (which is badddd)
- I like skirts but am too afraid to wear one in public..
- I have done pot, shrooms, and tried E, but I will never touch acid, or anything chemical.
- I have seen godsmack 3 times in concert and met them once :)
- I love sunflowers but when I buy them potted they always die:(
- I snuck into the mosh pit at a metallica concert.
- I had chicken pox when I was 2 and still have many scars from it.
-I'm a workohilic, I always have to have a job.
- which is why I've had 4 different jobs that never lasted me more then 3 months in the last 2 years(because I quite them for something better). I worked at a korean cafe, Starbucks, A clothing store, and was a house painter, but im not proud of that.
- My personal prefereance is that I would rather go to a pub or bar then a club, but i still dont mind going to dance.
- The only celebraties I have seen in person (other then concerts) were Kelsey Grammer and David Suzuki both at the airport.
- I think theres too many people on this planet. lol
-I actually cant think of anything else....

Rant.....

Listening to: Alexisonfire- no transitory

It sucks feeling like you've wasted your time, especially when its something important and expensive like school. I have felt that way latley, actually a series of feelings that led to the feeling of failure or that I didnt try hard enough. I had one shot at school, I spent all my time and money on it, and still have the remnants of a big ass loan to worry about. I've heard lots of stories about people who've spent years in school just to find out that what they were taking "wasnt for them". I dont mean to sound so serious because its not the end of the world but it is something very important to me and I dont really have anything else to fall back on.

One of the worst things about being in the CGanimation/visual effects industry is that nobody cares. Seriously you can never stop learning it to be able to do this shit its very complex and its so much work for something so insignificant like talking animals, or cartoons. Maybe I love cartoons and I'm proud of what I have learned and what I have done so far, but to other people its just silly cartoons. Look at pixars "cars" it took 5+ years to make and cost 125 million$! for a silly cartoon! Another bad thing is not being able to talk about your work with other people. They arent going to care that even though you spent so much time learning a new program just to do Zbrush displacement maps to put on your 400000 polygon model together with bumps and normals and subsurface scattering to find out its all crap now because something better has come out so it is obsolete! people just zone out. So you can see its hard talking about work with other people when you have no remote similarities. Or maybe no one cares at all. I dunno. Its so frustrating I cant do anything maybe ill work at mcdonalds.

I this sounds so strange but I would seriously sell my organs to go back to school. Let me know if someone can hook me up.

so glad to see you once again.....

So I've finally got my shit together and decided to join the blog-bandwagon and I'm going to be completley unoriginal about it. I'm not very good at speaking my thoughts at a computer monitor so bare with me please :) So its snowing out, alot actually and I'm really enjoying it. Its funny cuz the people of BC are very shocked by this phenomena and are killing each other while driving! My old roomate is Australian and she was more prepared to drive in the snow then most other people. I spent some of my childhood and the whole time living in Edmonton in the cold and I really miss it. I know im crazy but seriously Id rather be freezing (which you can cover yourself to be warm) then to be in sweaty sticky heat that even if your naked your still hot and cant do anything about. But thats just me. Plus I love snow :) The one thing that is annoying me though is the boil water advisory here. We cant drink the water or even wash stuff with it. You can still shower but the water smells weird. This has been going on longer then a week. Also I've decided I'm sick of Van so I'm taking an extra-long vacation back home. Yay(Well its not really a vacation since I'll still be working but I will be away!) Van has been stupid. I'm investing to go back for Xmas so it will be an extension of that....

Anyways I cant think of anymore to write. I hope everyone is doing well!
Also I think this scheme is lame I will figure out how to customize it